Finding Wisdom
A series of reflections about a former self by Frank Garcia.
Solitude
Trapped, caged, no way out
Every day a burden on my shoulders
Concrete and metal is all I know
Memories flash me back to what was
The future looks bleak and desolate
Present day, I live but in dreams
Shattered delusions and broken promises
Hope is but a glimmering star in the dark
I wonder what they were all for, these feelings of rage
Love has become like grasping sand
The harder my grip
the more it escapes my hold.
Release
Another day in prison, a day closer to my future
Through my tiny window I envision being free
at the park in the shade of a maple tree
kids playing on swings
but the rattling of the chains
take me back to a bus headed to the pen
not knowing what to expect
I smell the tension
Years go by
hope will never die
I flash forward to the day of my release
first foot out of the gate
first breath of free air hits my lungs
tears brim in my eyes but are not shed
overwhelming joy
haven’t felt this since I was a boy
The Mind Warp
broken, shattered, tattered remains
all that is left on my soul are ugly scars and foul stains
collected throughout a life out of control
punishing myself by being the best at doing the worst
this addiction is a sickness deadlier than a virus
it spreads from body to body by warping the mind
it’s so hard to define
it has no name
yet it’s played as a game
putting your life on the line
there are no winners in the end
just places, people and lost friends
consumed by youth
byproducts of misplaced hate
and truth
Eyes
worried, stressed, constantly under duress
what has happened came and went
bitter smile is all that’s left
searching through the maze of my heart for a way out
trust is just a word, there is always doubt
in the minds of men, there is always sin
mouths open full of deceit
I see through their lies
searching their faces for telltale signs
but the eyes are where the truth of their betrayals reside
Reality
How can I go on?
the pain is so strong
my shoulders so tight carrying this burden
heavy-hearted with leaden feet I take slow steps
my soul weeps out of my body in sweat
trying to get past this life with so much regret
I’m at the cliff holding on by my fingernails
grip wavering, slipping
I’m falling floating flying down
waiting for the final impact my last breath
waking up drenched in a cold sweat
another sunrise living with a mask hiding the pain
not even in dreams can I escape reality
Astray
You have been led astray
mental world view warped and twisted
you have been led astray
what it means to be a man is acting inhuman
you have been led astray
violence is the only solution to regain your pride
you have been led astray
money, drugs, sex are the only goals
you have been led astray
grasping for all the wrong things to fill your hole
you have been led astray
drugs, prison, death is all that is left
You have been led astray
Anxiety Attack
the door shuts, click clack
sitting, standing, pacing, lying down
my mind is racing
I’m trapped, no way out
walls closing in
I can’t breathe
heart pumping illogical fear into every pore
impending doom looming over me
breathing through a straw
thinking I’m losing it
back and forth
one, two, three, four, five steps from wall to door
I try to outrun it
but I can’t get away from it
my faces tingles, my hands shake
how much more can I take?
About the Author
Frank Garcia, 35, is from Torrance, California. He enjoys reading and writing.
